Or so I've been told!

Dear Janet...........

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it… These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silken boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to bed after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore. You don’t want sex anymore or anything, either you're cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the cause I’m gone.

Your Ex-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me…Your sister and I are moving away together…Have a great life..

Dear John............

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. I did notice your hair cut last week , the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my Sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed £30.00 from me that morning…and your silk boxers were £29.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a penny from me, So take care.

Signed… Rich as hell and Free.

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that is not a problem.

Perhaps today's a good time to write your loved one that love letter after all?

Apparently so according to "The_Walrus". I can't see why and I am a bit dubious of polls.

Marian (aka Arnica aka La_spice)

Call me old-fashioned, sentimental and romantic if you want. I could think of worse things to be!

I think in this hustle and bustle age it's very important to let your loved one know exactly how you feel about him or her. Why not do something a little bit special from time to time. A little gift, a surprise telephone call or text message or even the occasional love letter?

This from Wikipedia:

A love letter is a popular way to express feelings of love in written form. Sometimes sent in the mail, and increasingly by electronic mail, the letter may be anything from a short and simple message of love to a lengthy explanation of feelings.

Sometimes letters are preferable to face-to-face contact because they can be written as the thoughts come to the author. This may allow feelings to be more easily expressed than if the writer were in the beloved's presence. Further, expressing strong emotional feelings to paper or some other permanent form can be an expression within itself of desire and the importance of the beloved and the lover's emotions. The expression of feelings may be made to an existing love or in the hope of establishing a new relationship. The increasing rarity and consequent emotional charm of personal mail may also serve to emphasize the emotional importance of the message.

So what are you waiting for? ..................

ps - just after writing this I came across this article from today's (online)Telegraph. Strange co-incidence!

I spent quite a few hours yesterday rehearsing the pantomime Aladdin. Although it was a tiring day it was great fun and we managed to have lots of laughs. I thought I'd share this one with you:

The genie replied, "let me see that map again."

The other day I took this picture of some mistletoe which got me wondering.

a) Kiss regularly throughout the year
b) Only once a year under the Christmas mistletoe (or general anaesthetic)
c) Never kiss

Yesterday I came across the following article by Laura Schaeffer entitled “4 places your kisses count most” Take heed gentlemen!

“When it comes to kissing, the man who seems to have all the time in the world has exactly the right idea. At the beginning of a relationship, you want to reveal your tender, creative, passionate side. The kiss is the embodiment of all these wonderfully seductive qualities. It can't be hurried, or delayed, or — god forbid — avoided. Kissing is an essential part of romance but don't focus only on our lips, gentlemen. We loved the first kiss, the second kiss and the good night kiss. Now show us what else you've got... and maybe we'll return the favour.

This little map is anything but complete, as just about any spot of skin is a great place for a kiss: wrist, shoulder, eyelid, knuckle, feet — why not? Women will instantly relax and warm up to a man that understands how to be sensual. Whether you met your lady last week or have been married to her since Harold Wilson was at number 10, get those lips moving."

What are you waiting for! ……

I'll settle for bronze!

A Rusty Usky Moment!

Some of you will know that I'm busy rehearsing for an amateur production of Aladdin (Oh yes I am!) Well this morning I was rooting through my dressing up box (as one does!) in search of a skeleton costume to lend to the costume mistress. Right at the very bottom of the box I came across my wedding dress and my mind quickly visualised the Miss Haversham scene in "Great Expectations". Then I went on to think about the great expectations I had on my own wedding day almost forty years ago. For me it was to be a lifetime commitment - sadly it only stood the test of nineteen (mostly happy) years.

A theory.

ps For the ladies - don't miss How To Look Good Naked on Channel4 at 8pm tonight.

WARNING: contains some nudity!

Of course, I only found this picture as part of my research into French customs! If you're interested to see more of what I found click here.

A late entry!

...........this is what you might see!

Not a teddy bear in sight - or is there?

This is a not so subtle link to yesterday's poem and a last chance to post an autumn image.

Sh! if you listen very, very carefully you might just hear a leaf fall!

What a great television programme - every woman should have a friend like Gok Wan!

If you've never watched it then tune into Channel4 next Wednesday night.

Earlier today I promised Usky a silhouette. Here is a bronze beauty.

Put away your wire wool and WD40!

In keeping with the Spanish flavour I've been invited to a Paella evening French style! This should be very interesting to say the least! The "Soiree" starts at 20.30 and will, if true to form, go on until the wee small hours of the morning. Thankfully I've been promised a bed for the night so I can have a tipple! Not too much though as I have 5 hours of Pantomime rehearsals the following day!

The majority of those attending will be French so my French lessons will be put to the test - a bit like a practical exam (if I get 30% I'm be quite happy!)

Anyhow here's a copy of the menu:

Sangria et ses mises en bouche

Salade Landaise

Paella

Plateau de Fromages
Salade

Tarte aux Raisins

Cafe

Vin rouge et Rose

Santè et bon appetit!

This was the sight that greeted me on the first morning of my holiday.

And later the sky looked like this ....

Not bad for November!

..... look very carefully! What can you see?

Over to you!

No I'm not in the outback but I thought it would be an eye catching header! It was either that or "I'm in the club!"

Marian

This is my attempt at being arty farty!

I hope you like it?

For my blog friend Usky.

"My friend went to Spain and all she brought back was a rusty picture!"

What nicer welcome than to find three new invitations to be a friend to three more bloggers. Here's a big hello to Angelwishes, ranfuchs and I_Am_Xenon

It may take me a few days to catch up with everyone but I'll do my very best to see what you've all been up to whilst I've been on my travels.

Right it's coffee time - anyone got any gossip?

Not the television program but a real casualty! An emergency surgical procedure has just been performed on the dining table! After two week's of safe globe trotting we've just had a traumatic event. The head has been practically severed from the body of my Grandson's favourite travel companion "Teddy Polar Bear". This was the result of a tug of war in the back of the car en-route from the airport. Grandma's sewing skills have been utilised and Teddy Polar Bear is now looking more like himself.